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How We Help Your Adopted Child

December 4, 2015

When adoptive parents come to our attachment center it is for good reasons that they are eager for their child to have a healed heart along with changed attitudes and behaviors.  The youngsters fear from being mistreated drives a need for control that is exasperating to say the least.  Ironically it is the parents own healing that provides the child with the foundation for their own change.  Our rapport building in the first few days establishes a strong connection with the parents so they can feel safe to open up their hurt and not feel blamed.  As the parents heal individually and martially they become emotionally grounded.  When the kids start to see that they can no longer send mom around the bend….when they don’t see dad look discouraged as often…..when they can no longer work one parent against the other…..the adopted child starts to feel safe.  They can now start to slowly look for their needs to be met by the parents instead of doing that on their own.  Just as the child feels safer as the parents get healthier, so too the parents feel encouraged and hopeful as they see their child begin to trust them.  Small foundational improvements lead to more family relationship changes.  Each day of the intensive builds on the day(s) before, compounding the progression of healing.  As each ones heart opens more unresolved pain may need tending to.  One parent put it eloquently during our completion ceremony on the final day.  He said “I never could have guessed that my child’s need for change would afford me the opportunity to heal deep, long standing pain from my childhood.  God has given me a wonderful gift delivered in strange wrapping.”

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