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Adoptive Parents We Know

December 4, 2015

I know that a lot of adopted kids grow up in families with minimal strife and conflict.  They are able to view their parents as safe, able to receive good things from them and consequently treat them with love and respect because they trust them.  At Beatitude House we never see these families.  We know they exist because we hear of these “success stories” often.  The families we see are usually on the verge of collapse and the adoptive parents are tired, frustrated and at their wits end. Traditional therapies have not helped and the struggling child learns more bad habits in an out of home placement.  We hear in the voice of the adoptive parent’s call a weariness and anger that sometimes right there on the phone melts into the hopeless heartache of their shattered dreams.  The adoptive parents often feel isolated because few in their community or church truly understand what they are contending with.  Adoption after infertility can add another layer of disappointment to the adoptive parents if healing doesn’t happen in those tender heart places. What would cause well meaning adoptive parents with such good intentions so much strife and heart break?  When a baby’s needs (even in the womb) go unmet they are forced to rely on themselves.  Their fear is at the level of terror which creates an addiction to control.  Trusting an adult least of all an adoptive parent is the most frightening thing they can consider doing.  They honeymoon for a while which may be their way of sizing up the adoptive parents while their guard is down.  Once they have all the adoptive parents buttons memorized….they start pushing them.  The more the buttons get pushed the more angry, exhausted and disillusioned the adoptive parents become and the more the child is convinced that no one should be trusted.   There is hope …….more to come.

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